In a Constant State of Charlotte

Confession: I LOVE me some Sex and the City. And I know that with shows like Girls and Broad City currently giving us a more authentic viewpoint of the single woman’s life, the quippy (and dare I say cheesy) world of Carrie Bradshaw and Co. is not as relatable as it was in the early millennium. That being said, I’ll always have a soft spot for the dramatic one-liners and date-night-gone-wrong scenarios.

In fact, I still like to binge-watch my four fave New Yorkers from time to time. My latest marathon (about a month ago) made me play the good  ol’ comparison game. And no, I’m not talking about categorizing my ex-BFs as “Aidens” or “Bigs.” No, I found myself dissecting one of the show’s more underrated (and, in my opinion, misunderstood) characters: Charlotte York. The WASP-y, naive gallery girl induced a lot of eye-rolling among SATC fans, but, I gotta say, I always rooted for her. I appreciated that she stuck by her beliefs and convictions about life and love, even if they were a bit far-fetched. To pay homage to my fave prude, I made a list of all of our similarities. (And, full disclosure, I had to trim my list, so you’re getting the short version.)

Here’s why I am and always will be a Charlotte:

I’m a supporter of head-to-toe pink. 

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A random crying fit is just another Tuesday. 

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Sometimes I’m ready to throw in the towel. 

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When it comes to booze, I can’t hang. 

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Seriously. No chill whatsoever.

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I have sporadic, unpredictable bouts of rage, typically involving coffee or my hair. 

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Obscenely sexual convos stress me the eff out. 

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I have to give myself a pep talk from time to time. 

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I’m a tad resentful toward anyone under the age of 25. 

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I, too, was a cheerleader.

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I’m a needy friend.

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I’m Ang & I’m a Recovering “Ghoster”

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According to the always-credible Urban Dictionary, ghosting is defined as:

“The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date … Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.”

The literary resource goes on to offer an example of a common “ghosting” scenario:

Carmen: How was your second date with Kyle?
Beth: I thought it went well, but I’ve texted him a couple of times since then and he’s been ghosting me.
Carmen: What? I thought he was more mature than that.

 

Fun fact: I’m Kyle. Or was until recently. And by recently I mean about six months ago. Six. Months. Ago. That’s right, for the first 30 years of my life I perfected a disappearing act that I never really acknowledged until pop culture pointed its big fat finger at it and gave it an official name.

For years, I sugar-coated my personal version of “ghosting” and justified these bad dating habits as protection from inevitable heartbreak. And, I wish I could tell you about my great aha moment, but it never happened. Due to the fact that I’m a stubborn a**hole, this realization came slowly and gradually. Trust me, lots of wine-filled girl talks as well as a few guilt-filled evenings alone with Chinese take-out had to happen before I came clean to my apparition-like tendencies.

Although I admit that ignorance was bliss, dissecting my behavior and admitting to it has brought me some serious clarity and a little bit closer to being a real-life adult (I hope). And while I laugh with everyone else at the concept of ghosting (made popular by the douche lords and ladies of Tinder and other dating apps), I also recognize it as a destructive act that kept me single for so long. Here’s why ghosting sucks:

It’s Mean

I was once broken up with in an email. Did I mention the guy I was dating was a co-worker who worked in the same building and whom I saw every single day? (To add insult to injury, the email was chock-full of grammatical errors and misspelled words. I mean, you didn’t even care enough to spell-check your work? Did our relationship mean nothing?!) Although I’ve always thought this to be the most solid case of douche-baggery ever experienced first-hand, I think having him completely ghost on me would have been much more painful (and, believe it or not, WAY more awkward). Vanishing on someone who invested time and emotions for the sake of getting to know you better is just plain not nice. Rejection is never pleasant and to have it done in such an abrupt and unceremonious way is hurtful, cruel and only normal for terrible humans. Any form of communication – text, phone call, email (if you must), letter by carrier pigeon – is a much better option. And, if you’re really a good person, break it to them in person.

It’s Selfish

My random acts of disappearing could always be traced back to fear. I somehow caught a glimpse of something in the guy or the relationship that led me to believe I was going to be disappointed and hurt in the future. These glimpses would come in the form of awkward conversations; misinterpretations of behavior and body language; lack of verbal affirmation; lack of interest on my part; and, my favorite, good ol’ jealousy. To be fair, the act of ghosting is often a result of the ghoster being burned just one too many times (or in fact being the ghostee at one point). I was one such ghost.

But here’s the kicker: My crazy thought process only rolls on a one-way  track. And that track is called “Ang.” I only ever considered the outcome for me and how things could possibly affect me. I hardly considered the guy’s POV and dropping off the earth was my method of permanently avoiding doing so. The word is selfish.

It’s Immature

It’s pretty simple. Games are for kids. Playing hide-and-seek was fun until the age of six or seven when you realized looking under sofas and beds for someone was a complete waste of time. That being said, playing hide-and-seek with your love life is equally juvenile and pointless.

All ghosting proves is that you can’t handle the two “Cs” essential to every adult relationship: confrontation and conversation. If you’re a grown man or woman with a verbal aptitude that exceeds that of a five-year-old, you are perfectly capable of letting a person know why it’s not gonna work out and/or what you want in a partner. You are not wrong to vocalize what you need from a person you’re dating or speak up when those needs are not being met. Be the bigger person and use your words. 

It Does Not Lead to a Relationship

In all my years of game-playing, I can safely say I never came out the winner. None of those ghosting incidences turned into a relationship. Not one. Even if a guy pursued me some more and tried to figure out where I disappeared to and what went wrong, there was usually some frustration and distrust involved by this time – two qualities that don’t exactly define a healthy relationship.

And, let me tell you, no one will ever take a ghoster seriously. After you pull that peek-a-boo act once, you are officially exiled to “loser” territory. And no one wants to date a loser.

To end, let me clarify that this post is not meant to offend or point the finger at anyone but myself. I only mean to acknowledge my own mistakes as well as the steps I’m taking to make amends. And, while, yes, I’m still single, I’m happy to report that my dating path is a little less spooky.

Smooches.

 

Ang 3.0

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Thirty, flirty and thriving my ass. Thirty, flirty and crying is more like it.

About six months ago I turned the big 3-0 and, I have to say, I think I held myself together pretty well … initially. I celebrated the big day properly by consuming one—or five—too many margaritas; there was an interesting moment with a gentleman dressed as pirate (not a stripper, I swear); and I definitely indulged in some terrible karaoke. You know, the usual.

In my state of enthusiasm and I-don’t-give-a-hoot-ness, I created an ambitious list of 30 personal goals I wanted to accomplish in my 30th year. In the moment, I was super pumped about what this new decade would bring .

Well, about two months in, the novelty of 30 started to wear off and the concept of aging really hit home. I spotted not one, but several gray hairs that literally came out of nowhere. I found a few rouge lines on my face that I’m certain were not there on my last day as a 20-year-old. I found myself waking up in a panic, frantically skimming through Facebook, comparing my current face to the one from my 20s. Then, I did the worst thing a woman could ever do to herself: I let my mind go to the things that I should’ve accomplished as a 30-year-old but hadn’t. I stacked myself against the 20- and 30-somethings in my life who had their sh** way more together than me. You know those individuals with robust savings accounts, fancy apartments with beachside views and mature romantic relationships that don’t include emotional drunk dialing at two in the morning. That’s right, I went down that black hole. Yikes.

Lucky for me, I have a fantastic set of girlfriends who talked me off the ledge and helped bring the pity train to a stop. I realized no matter how much of a tantrum I threw, 30 was here to stay, so I might as well deal. And, yes, 30 brings with it some changes and maybe a few gray hairs. But it also brings with it a little thing I like to call hope. And instead of eating my feelings and drowning my sorrows in alcoholic beverages, I decided to dust off that little list I made months prior, appropriately titled “Ang’s 30 in 30.”

For the sake of context, I’ve included it below. Don’t judge me—there was wine and external influences involved in the making of this list (you know who you are).

 

  1. Visit Ireland/Scotland
  2. Cook more
  3. Go to Museums
  4. Run a half-marathon

  5. Be nicer to myself

  6. Read 30 Books

  7. Read the entire Bible

  8. Learn to play piano

  9. Go to Nashville, Charleston or New York

  10. Attend an event where you have to wear a ball gown

  11. Say “I love you” to somebody in your life every day

  12. Go to Big Sur

  13. Confess a crush

  14. Learn to sew

  15. Attend a Broadway musical

  16. Attend a music festival

  17. Cook dinner for a guy

  18. Dance in the rain

  19. Host a dinner party

  20. Make a mosaic table

  21. Start journaling again

  22. Buy a pair of Sophia Webster shoes

  23. Go to Vegas with girlfriends

  24. Go wine tasting in Napa

  25. Ride a hot air balloon

  26. Date someone longer than 2 months

  27. Watch 30 classic movies

  28. Say something nice to someone every day

  29. Spend more time with your family (immediate)

  30. Meet my husband

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to check a few things off this bad boy. And don’t worry, I’m gonna tell you all about it.

Smooches.

 

Hi.

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Hey there.

My name is Ang and I love me a good blog. I love looking into the lives of pretty people and their perfectly perfect lives.

But here’s the problem. Perfection is and never will be an attainable thing. And the downside of stalking beauty, fashion, lifestyle and food blogs is the inevitable feeling of inadequacy that follows when you realize your life does not include the following:

  • Weekend getaways on your yacht
  • Shoes that cost more than your rent
  • A hot photographer boyfriend whose main thrill in life is to snap a picture of you mid-laugh on a beach
  • 0% body fat
  • A closet that reads like a Nordstrom catalog
  • A credit card with no spending limit

It’s pretty safe to say that this is not my life. Not even close. But, I take comfort in knowing that I’m not the only one who falls short of the lifestyle blogger picture of perfection. Like many other 30-year-olds (yikes), I have a credit card that despises me, an unhealthy obsession with glitter and unicorns, a love/hate relationship with bread and sugary lattes and—horror of horrors—a left hand that is not sporting a wedding ring. So, what’s a girl to do? Write about it.

This blog is my attempt to keep it real and share the life that I live on the daily. The good, the bad and the oh-so-awkward.

And guess what? I’m still fancy.

Enjoy.